Post 14 - Peer review story "Strike"

 Here follows my piece for peer review. We were asked for 200 - 350 words, which I found really difficult to keep to. I wrote it in a bit of a hurry because I was getting behind on the course. I know it's not my best work and it didn't get a sparkling review which did not surprise me. I didn't edit at all at this stage as I thought the idea was that we would do that after the review.

STRIKE

“Strike!” Karen was startled, “No, never, not me. I couldn't”

“ I don't like it either but we have to do something. The Government are taking the piss.”

So it was that on a chilly November morning Karen found herself outside her hospital with a placard in her hand. Surrounding her were other health workers, ambulance staff, porters and other midwives. Rush hour commuters expressed their support with their car horns. Each time this happened the assembled staff cheered and waved.

Karen still had her doubts that this was a wise course of action.

“ What harm does it do the Government? It's the patients who suffer and our colleagues who aren't striking.” she was saying to the paramedic standing alongside her. She stamped her feet as much for emphasis as against the cold.

An old lady hobbling by caught her words and before the paramedic could answer she butted in.

“Quite right. My hip operation has been cancelled three times already. It might not be an emergency but the pain is getting me down and I'm struggling to look after myself these days. Just getting the shopping is a nightmare”

“But madam, we haven't had a pay rise in four years and staff are leaving the health service in droves. Soon there won't be anyone left to care for you when you do get your operation.” the paramedic protested.

“Oh, I sympathise, really I do, but there has to be a better way than strikes, it hurts the very people you set out to help” and with that she limped away.

The paramedic sighed and Karen watched the old lady, as she struggled to cross the road.

“What's the alternative, that's what I'd like to know.” The paramedic said over his shoulder as he went to the old ladies aid, raising his hand to stop the oncoming cars and assisting her across to the other side. Karen grinned, the urge to care was so strong in most health care staff they couldn't help themselves.

Jennifer Spencer

How was the central character portrayed and was this portrayal clear and interesting?

quite interesting, the main character was sure of herself but the dialogue wasn't very specific about what in particular provoked this strike.

What made you think this piece was a story and did you want to read on?

Yes I wanted to know what happened next. I think it was a story because their was some kind of conclusion to it, but he ending could have been stronger.

What were the most, and least, successful aspects of the writing?

I liked the writing style. The dialogue (particularly the elderly passer-by) was a bit forced, could be more natural.